Lily and Grace are about a month into their 2nd grade and Kindergarten school years. They're both at the same school, which is exciting. There's only one school events calendar to keep track of, and they get to ride the bus together in the mornings.
Lily and Grace are such different kids, though. Lily is outgoing and makes friends easily. She's never been shy, and has no problem joining in and having fun wherever she is. Grace, on the other hand, while friendly and talkative, fancies herself as shy. I mean, I guess if you think you're shy, then you are shy. I guess that's how that works. I try to convince her that if she just goes ahead and talks to people, then she won't be shy and she'll make friends. No dice. Last year in preschool, Grace had one friend: Gwen. If Gwen didn't want to play with her at recess, Grace just moped around. I was a little concerned going into this year because unlike last year when Grace was already friends with Gwen before school, Grace didn't know anybody in her class this year. I've never wondered if Lily would make friends (only if she'd make friends with nice kids instead of hooligans), but with Grace, it's a concern.
So every day I ask Grace about her day at school. I ask what she learned in class, if she went to art or library or PE, and I ask who she played with on the playground. Every day she tells me that she played with Lily on the playground. I ask if she's made any friends in her class, and she says she hasn't because she's too shy. We talk about how to make friends, and how it's important to have friends in one's own grade, but every day it's the same story: she plays with Lily every recess.
This has kind of been weighing on my mind more and more as the school year goes on. How do I teach Grace to make friends? She's such a sensitive girl, and if someone hurts her feelings, it pushes her more into her shell. The funny thing is that she is a loud, talkative, fun, silly girl. Who wouldn't want to be her friend? But she won't talk to anybody and meet anybody. Worry worry worry. It's a mother's lot in life.
The other day, my concern reached a point that I decided to ask Lily about it. I asked her if she really does play with Grace every recess, and she said she does. I asked what she thought of going to the same school as her little sister, and her answer was an unequivocal, "I LOVE IT!!!!" Lily doesn't mind sharing her friends with Grace during morning recess! Lily loves getting to see and play with her sister every day! Why wouldn't she? They're best friends!
I breathed a sigh of relief. You know, we're still going to revisit this "making friends" topic with Grace. It's a skill she needs to learn, and she needs to learn that she doesn't have to be shy, and that people really will like her. But for now, I'm happy that she has a nice playmate at recess, whose parents we even happen to know. They're kind of weirdos, but they raise nice kids!
4 comments:
Hopefully you're not worried about Lily's friend being a hooligan, you know her parents are kind of weird. ;)
Wow. That's hard to picture Grace as shy. I remember realizing that people only wanted to talk to me if I wanted to talk to them. But it can be a hard concept. I also understand only having one or two friends - I've never been a social butterfly. Eventually she will come into her own.
I am really late to leave this comment, but a friend of mine had the same concern for her daughter - who is Landon's age. She and Landon have been friends since Kinder. But as a child, in kinder, she had trouble making friends. Her mom told her, if you don't have someone to play with, swing, or play by yourself, sing a song and don't worry about it - people will like you! The next day the girl came home said "well that didn't work. I was swinging all by myself, and singing, just like you said, and no one wanted to be my friend." Her mom asked her - "what did you sing?" "Oh, I sang a song I made up, it goes no one likes me, no one like to play with me, I am lonely and sad." My friend about died trying to hide her laughter!
sweet
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